Common Myths
Common Myths
“If my partner really loved me, there would not be any desire for an intimate or sexual relationship with anyone else.”
This is based on the scarcity model of love, in which a partner's emotional or love interest in somebody else means that I will be loved less. It is as absurd as the idea that to have a second child is an indication that you don't love your first child enough. It also presumes that sex and love are the same thing and meet the same needs.
“If I were a good partner/spouse/lover, my partner would be so satisfied that they wouldn't want to get involved with anybody else.”
This belief is even more insidious. With the first belief you can at least blame the problem on your partner. This belief makes it your fault for not being the perfect lover. This is also the basis of the widespread romantic myth of the "one and only person on the planet". This is also guaranteed to cause serious self-esteem problems, which is fertile ground for jealousy.
“It is just not possible to love more than one person at a time.”
This again is based on the scarcity theory of love, that I only have a finite amount to give.
McCullough, Derek, and David S. Hall. "Polyamory." Polyamory. N.p., 27 Feb. 2003. Web. 12 Mar. 2016.
Altering Myths
“My partner loves me and trusts me so much that we can allow our relationship to expand and be enriched by experiencing even more love from others. There is an abundance of love in the world and there is plenty for everyone. Loving more than one person is a choice that can exponentially expand the potential for giving and receiving love.”
“My partner is so confident in me and our relationship that having other partners will not create jealousy that will destroy our love.”
“Whatever socially unusual arrangements we have set up in our love lives, they have been agreed to consciously and responsibly by everyone involved. We insist on integrity in our relationships.”