Disassociations
Common Disassociations
Some people think of polyamorous person as someone who is interested in sleeping around but Poly is about having honest, open relationships, and these are not necessary all sexual [1]. People who have this view point are more likely to be approaching this from a monogamous point of view. Poly relationships can be very close, without the pressure to sleep with people, as would be present in close monogamous relationships. Some polyamorous relationships place more meaning on hugging, sleeping and behavior of a relationship than on sex [2].
People who are polyamorous did not choose to be: it simply is a function of their beliefs or philosophy. Not everyone can be poly, being poly should be a natural thing not something that someone “converted” to. The same applies as someone who is poly, you should not resist being poly.
[1], [2] "Polyamory: Multiple Loving, Caring Relationships." Human Sexuality. Vexen Crabtree, n.d. Web. 12 Mar. 2016.
Polyamory vs. cheating
Cheating is when a person in a relationship acts dishonestly to gain an advantage. Polyamorous people are the opposite: they have relationships that are based on honesty, consent, and knowledge and open communication [1]. Adultery involves lies and hidden relationships; whereas, polyamory involves full consent, knowledge, and communication.
[1] "Polyamory: Multiple Loving, Caring Relationships." Human Sexuality. Vexen Crabtree, n.d. Web. 12 Mar. 2016.
Polyamory vs. Swinging
Traditionally there has been a cultural divide between the polyamorous and swinger communities. Polyamory emphasizes the emotional aspects of plural relationships. Swinging is more about indulging in sexual activities outside of monogamy. It is possible for a person with polyamorous relationships to also engage in traditional swinging and other open relationships. Those in polyamorous relationships who take part in casual sex often see it as separate from the emotional bonds they share with their polyamorous partners. However, it is also possible for swingers to develop deep emotional attachments with those they have sex with, and thereby find themselves in polyamory. Such swingers in their new polyamorous relationships may or may not choose to continue swinging with others [1]. Finally, both swingers and polyamorous people can engage in secret infidelities, but this is no better accepted by either community than in monogamy [2].
[1], [2] "Polyamory." Wikipedia. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Mar. 2016.
Contrast with Monogamy
One of the nearly universally accepted assumptions in our society is the assumption that the monogamous pair is the only valid structure of human sexual relationships, being so superior that it doesn't warrant scrutiny [1]. In fact, our culture puts so much emphasis on it, through cultural norms, modern literature and films, that serious discussion on the subject of alternatives is rare. For example, the notebook, the age of Adaline, and the longest ride are a couple of movies where the main characters fall in love and then form a life together. There are movies where the main characters do explore their sexuality and live out of the norm lives by having one night stands with others, yet as soon as they meet their “soulmate” then they practice exclusivity. The reasons given for monogamous marriage being the only acceptable form of couple relating, and the only place where sex is allowed, generally fall into two categories. 1. It is our natural state (i.e., hard-wired). 2. It is the only moral state, the one approved by God - all other options are inherently sinful. It is interesting to note that these are essentially the same reasons given by the fundamentalist right for their condemnation of homosexuality, namely that it is unnatural and immoral, and explains the affinity of polyamorists to the LGBT community [2].
[1], [2] McCullough, Derek, and David S. Hall. "Polyamory." Polyamory. N.p., 27 Feb. 2003. Web. 12 Mar. 2016.