Here are some common psychological/psychiatric assumptions related to BDSM, and evidence that refutes those ideas.

 

"Once you start, you will want more and more"

 

This is what pseudo-experts will introduce as the "stepping stone theory"[1]. In other words, once you have tasted the effects of, for example, pain, you will want more and more of it and it will end in excessive behavior and addiction. In fact there is no stepping stone theory (the term originates from research into the causes of drug-addiction in the late 1960's) as far as erotic power exchange is concerned[2]. Next, research commonly referred to as being about EPE has often been research done through voluntary response surveys, or by targeting BDSM online communities[3]. Therefore, conclusions, based on this research, are not necessarily generalizable to the entire group. Previous research would often explore BDSM in relation to pathologies or psychological disorders such as personality disorders[4]. Many therapists still have negative associations with BDSM due to previous views.[5]. General sociological research in the area of erotic power exchange is rare, and research subjects/respondents of many studies would often be from the LGBTQIA community[6]. In addition, the reality of erotic power exchange shows that people will not continuously seek out more erotic play. People that are into erotic power exchange will usually start to experiment with it and in this experimental phase will usually want to explore all possibilities. As time progresses their emotions will settle down, pieces of the puzzle will fall into place and their wants and needs - once explored and identified - will settle down to the level that usually corresponds with the fantasies people originally had[7].

 

 

"The need to go into power exchange always hides a traumatic experience"

 

This knockdown is based on Freud, who tried to explore the relationship between all sorts of human behavior - not only the sexual behavior - and (early) childhood experiences. His method is called psycho-analysis, and in modern psychology is considered outdated[8]. Although some people who are into erotic power exchange have a history of abuse or childhood trauma, a general connection has never been established[9]. Many people who practice BDSM and have had therapy have gone to therapy for issues that are not connected to their interest in BDSM[10]. However, it appears that many therapists still have an overall negative view of BDSM activity, which may discourage patients who practice BDSM[11]. What may be true in individual cases may not be true as a general argument. What research did establish is that there are no significant differences between the number of people with a traumatic youth in the BDSM-community than there is in any other group[12]. More recent research points to certain personality traits that may be of influence to the development of erotic power exchange feelings and emotions[13]. For example, dominants tend to score higher on extraversion while submissives tend to score higher on emotionality[14]. However, this research is far from finalized, as research into this area is still relatively new and limited. Another relatively new area that may play a role is the influence of endorphins. Endorphins are hormones, natural opiates, produced by the body and commonly known as "emotion" amino acids. Different mixtures of different types of endorphins will create different emotions. Some of these mixtures are created as a result of fear, stress and pain. What role they play when it comes to the development of erotic power exchange emotions is yet unknown.

 

 

"The need for power exchange points to a stern upbringing"

 

Again a "semi-Freudian" misconception and based on one case of one man, researched and published about by Freud. There is little evidence of a connection between upbringing and interest in erotic power exchange. Many people who practice BDSM describe it as an “intrinsic part of the self,” and thought of it as part of their identity or something they’ve always known[15]. Others say their interest in BDSM stemmed from external influences, such as a partner that was already interested or introduction from friends or media[16]. There may be individual cases where people had a stern - or sometimes very religious - upbringing but whether or not there are any connections between upbringing and erotic power exchange emotions in general is yet to be determined and probably very unlikely as far as the development of the emotions as such is concerned.

 

 

"People into erotic power exchange can not find full sexual satisfaction in other ways"

 

People who are into erotic power exchange will usually consider their feelings and emotions important and will identify erotic power exchange as a lifestyle, but that does not mean they have a compulsive need. The lack of compulsive behavior in fact is what separates erotic power exchange from sadists and masochists. In many cases, people will identify their erotic power exchange emotions as entirely different than sexual emotions or - for example - an orgasm.

 

 

"Dominant men are just male chauvinists"

 

Actually, the majority of dominant men are very caring, loving and open people. The position of the dominant man in erotic power exchange requires a lot of understanding, caring, trust and most of all a great interest in the wants and needs and emotions of his submissive partner. What to the outsider may seem a very strict, direct, powerful and maybe sometimes somewhat aggressive looking macho man in fact is only role play, using symbols and role behavior but underneath is a very caring person. Many submissives describe their dom as understanding supportive, careful, loving and protective. The most important aspect of BDSM play is the communication and supportive relationship between the dominant and submissive.

 

 

"Submissive women betray the movement for women’s rights"

 

Being submissive and allowing these emotions to come out is a very self-confident statement and decision as well as a difficult and scary process. Submissive women are usually very self aware and are making very conscious decisions about their submissiveness. They are anything but "doormats" and have - generally speaking - gone through a long process of identifying and accepting themselves as well as their submissive feelings and emotions. Just as dominant erotic behavior is not an indication of general dominance, neither is submissiveness an indication that the women will display submissiveness in every day life. Usually they will be anything but submissive, although it is a fact that as long as submissive emotions have not settled down, submissive women sometimes may have trouble separating some of their submissive feelings from other things. The argument itself originates from hardline feminist activists that - predominantly out of fear for unwanted influence - try to separate women from other opinions than the ones such activists have. It is entirely possible (and even very common) to be both a submissive and a feminist.

 

 

"People who are dominant in every day life are submissive in bed and vice versa"

 

Sexual/erotic behavior is usually not an indication for any other form of social behavior, neither are there any proven links between the two. Dominants can have both dominant as well as non-dominant positions in every day life and the same goes for submissives. A female executive can be submissive in the bedroom; a male nurse can be dominant. The above statement is a classic example of stereotyping, mainly based on pornography and stories from prostitutes who - through indicating they have "socially important customers" - in fact try to market their profession and often use arguments like these in a rather naive effort to gain more social acceptance and respect for their trade.

 

 

"Erotic power exchange is dangerous"

 

There are all sorts of stories around about accidents that happened during erotic power exchange sessions. For example, there is the story about the man who - after cuffing his wife to the bed - climbed the nearest cupboard in an effort to jump on her, broke his legs and the couple had to wait for two days before help arrived. This story - like many others - is around in almost all countries and - like all others - is a tall story. Of course, anything one does without sufficient knowledge can be risky or even dangerous. The truth of the matter is that safe, sane, voluntary and informed consensual erotic power exchange is perfectly safe, provided people know what they are doing.

 

 

 

 

 

[1], [2] Welte, John W., and Grace M. Barnes. "Alcohol: The Gateway to Other Drug Use among Secondary-school Students." Journal of Youth and Adolescence 14.6 (1985): 487-98. SpringerLink. Web. <http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF02139522>.

[3], [15], [16]  Yost, Megan R., and L. E. Hunter. "BDSM Practitioners' Understandings of Their Initial Attraction to BDSM Sexuality: Essentialist and Constructionist Narratives." Psychology & Sexuality 3.3 (2012): 244-59. Taylor & Francis. 13 July 2012. Web. <http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19419899.2012.700028>.

[4], [5], [10] Kolmes, Keely, PsyD, Wendy Stock, PhD, and Charles Moser, PhD. "Investigating Bias in Psychotherapy with BDSM Clients." Journal of Homosexuality 50.2-3 (2006): 301-24. Taylor & Francis. 22 Sept. 2008. Web. <http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J082v50n02_15>.

[6], [9], [12] Richters, Juliet, Richard O. De Visser, Chris E. Rissel, Andrew E. Grulich, and Anthony M. A. Smith. "Demographic and Psychosocial Features of Participants in Bondage and Discipline, “Sadomasochism” or Dominance and Submission (BDSM): Data from a National Survey." The Journal of Sexual Medicine 5.7 (2008): 1660-668. Wiley Online Library. July 2008. Web. <http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/enhanced/doi/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2008.00795.x>.

[7] Meijer, Hans. "What Is Erotic Power Exchange?" Ezine Articles. N.p., n.d. Web. <http://www.chismeview.net/what-is-erotic-power-exchange/>.

[8] Bucci, Wilma. "The Challenge of Diversity in Modern Psychoanalysis." Psychoanalytic Psychology 19.1 (2002): 216-26. APA PsycNET. Web. <http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/pap/19/1/216/>.

[11] Nichols, Margaret, PhD. "Psychotherapeutic Issues with." Journal of Homosexuality 50.2-3 (2006): 281-300. Taylor & Francis. 22 Sept. 2008. Web. <http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J082v50n02_14>.

[13], [14] Hebert, Ali, and Angela Weaver. "An Examination of Personality Characteristics Associated with BDSM Orientations." The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality 23.2 (2014): n. pag. Project MUSE. Web. <http://muse.jhu.edu/journals/the_canadian_journal_of_human_sexuality/v023/23.2.hebert.html>.