Trans Ally Tips

1. Recognize the diversity of trans & genderqueer lives. Remember that these identities are part of other identities, and intersect with race, class, size, sexual orientation, age, immigration status, etc.

 

2. Always use the pronouns & name people want you to use. If you’re unsure, ASK!  If you make a mistake, correct yourself – without being dismissive of its importance, without making excuses, & without making it a huge deal/over-apologizing/drawing attention to you. Politely (& subtly, if possible) correct others if they use the wrong pronoun. It helps to be explicit rather than hoping they pick it up.

 

3. Ask when & where it’s safe to use their chosen name & pronouns (e.g., if a trans person is not out at home, ask them how you should refer to them around their family, etc).

 

4. Don’t ask trans people what their “real” name is (i.e., the one they were born with).  This is invasive and implies their chosen name is invalid and less “real.” If you know their birth name, do not divulge it to others.

 

5. Instead of saying someone was born a boy (or a girl), try saying they were assigned male at birth (or were assigned female).  These terms recognize the difference between sex & gender, and emphasize the ways in which sex & gender are assigned to individuals at birth, rather than being innate, binary or immutable qualities.  AND… you can ask yourself if it is necessary to even mention what sex someone was assigned at birth.

 

6. Don’t confuse gender with sexual orientation.  Trans people, like cisgender people, are straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, etc.

 

7. Don’t ask trans people about their bodies, how they have sex, what their genitals are like, etc.  It’s rude & objectifying & none of your business.  It can be helpful to think about whether you would ask these questions of a cisgender person.

 

8. Don’t ask about surgery or hormone status; don’t ask “when are you going to have the surgery?” or “are you on hormones?” Like cisgender people, our medical histories & bodies can be intensely personal & private.  If trans people want to share these details with you, allow them to do so on their own terms.

 

9. Don’t assume the only way to transition is through hormones/surgery, & understand that medical transition is very often based on economic status.  Recognize the classism inherent in associating medical transition with “authentic” trans identities.

 

10. Don’t assume all trans people want hormones and/or surgery, or to transition at all.

 

11. Don’t assume all trans people feel “trapped in the wrong body.” This is an oversimplification and not the way (all) trans people feel.

 

12. Don’t assume all trans people identify as “men” or “women.”  Many trans people and genderqueer people identify as both, neither, or something altogether different.

 

13. Don’t tell trans people what is appropriate to their gender (e.g., trans women should grow their hair out & wear dresses).  Like cisgender people, we have varying forms of gender expression.

 

14. Do listen if a trans person chooses to talk to you about their gender identity.

 

15. Be proactive and informed about restrooms - consider where nearby gender-inclusive/all-gender restrooms are near your work, classes, etc.  Be understanding and think ahead about options if a trans or gender-non-conforming friend is uncomfortable using a gendered bathroom, locker room, or other segregated space.

 

16. If your organization is holding an event, designate a gender-neutral bathroom in the building.

 

17. Don’t ask trans people to educate you.  Do your own homework & research.  Understand that there is a difference between talking to individuals about their preferences/perspectives and asking someone to be your educator.  Try not to view individuals as spokespeople; trans communities are diverse, not one monolithic voice or viewpoint.

 

18. Recognize that trans women and trans feminine people deal with sexism and misogyny in a very real way (on top of transphobia).

 

19. Recognize that trans women deserve access to “women-only” spaces/programs/shelters/etc.

 

20. If you are cisgender, recognize your privilege & prejudices as a normatively gendered person.

 

21. Don’t let transphobia/cissexism slide.  Confront it as you would confront all other forms of oppression. Trans issues are rarely discussed & when they are it is often in a negative light.

 

22. Talk about trans issues/rights.  Engage people in discussions & share your knowledge.

 

23. If you are a cisgender person, be aware of the role you can play as an ally. Remember that the way you talk about trans people (e.g., using the right pronouns) influences how others perceive us & can make a difference in whether we feel safe/comfortable.

 

24. Don’t out trans people. This could be dangerous to their safety.  Likewise, be aware of your surroundings when discussing trans issues with a trans person. For their safety & comfort, they may prefer not to discuss these topics in public places or among strangers.

 

25. Above all respect and support trans people in their lives and choices.