Useful Terms
Gray-A: Gray-A or gray-asexual is a catchall term for people who fill in the gradient between asexuality and sexuality. Gray-A's may experience sexual attraction with low frequency, low intensity, in narrow circumstances, or ambiguously. Some examples of gray-asexuality include people who experience sexual attraction but have very low sex drive, people who feel dissociated from standard sexual culture but may not fit the definitions of asexual or demisexual, or almost any other variation you can think of. There are as many ways to be gray-asexual as there are gray-asexuals.!
Demisexual: A person might identify as demisexual if that person only feels sexual attraction in the context of a close relationship, often a romantic one. Demisexuals don't feel sexual attraction based on outward characteristics like physical appearance, but rather only feel sexual attraction if it is paired with an emotional connection. The demisexual and asexual communities have a lot in common, and many people fitting the definition of demisexuality choose to identify as asexual. Demisexuality is sometimes considered a subset of gray-asexuality.
Ace: A slang term for asexual used often in the asexual community. Can be an adjective or a noun.
Asexy: The asexual equivalent of "sexy"! An adjective used to validate and celebrate non-sexual passions, or to describe something made more attractive by its lack of sexuality or its divergence from what is typically valued or deemed sexy.
Squish: Some asexuals use squish to mean an asexual crush, or an attraction to a person that isn't based on sex. Rather, a squish involves wanting to get to know or be close friends with a person.
Some Definitions
Some Common Disassociations
Sexual Desire vs. Sexual Attraction: Sexual attraction can be distinguished from asexual desire; although, the two are often combined. Sexual Desire is an intense sexual feeling that a person has for another person. Sexual attraction is an allure based on instinct or sexual desire. It is possible to have sexual desire without experiencing sexual attraction.
Celibacy vs. Asexuality: Asexuality and celibacy are different [1]. Celibacy is the conscious choice to abstain from sex, regardless of desire or attraction. A celibate person might still feel sexual attraction, but choose not to act on it. This is different from an asexual person, who would never feel the sexual attraction in the first place, and who might still choose to have sex. Asexuality is an orientation; celibacy is a behavioral choice.
"Celibacy and Asexuality - Our Bodies Ourselves." Our Bodies Ourselves. N.p., 6 Mar. 2015. Web. 12 Mar. 2016.
Behavior vs. Identity: Engaging in sexual behavior does not invalidate a person’s identity as asexual [1]. Many behaviors commonly construed as sexual by mainstream society are viewed as non-sexual by asexual individuals. For example, masturbation is commonly seen as a sexual activity. However, an asexual person might masturbate to relieve tension, to aid concentration, or as a sleep aid [2]. There are also many reasons an asexual person might engage in sexual intercourse, despite feeling no sexual attraction. Pleasing a partner, increasing intimacy, conceiving a child, or participating in certain kinky activities are all reasons an asexual person might have sex. Some asexual individuals enjoy sex in and of itself, without experiencing sexual attraction. And for some people, their relationship with sex may be fluid or dependent on the situation. None of these activities invalidate a person's self-identification as asexual.
[1] Bogaert, Anthony F. "Toward a Conceptual Understanding of Asexuality." ResearchGate. ResearchGate, 11 Mar. 2016. Web. 12 Mar. 2016.[2] Yule, Morag A., Lori A. Brotto, and Boris B. Gorzalka. "Sexual Fantasy and Masturbation among Asexual Individuals." : The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality: Vol 23, No 2. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 2014. Web. 12 Mar. 2016.
Useful Indentifiers and Forms of Attraction
Romantic Attraction: Romantic attraction is similar to sexual attraction except that it deals solely with romantic feelings and not necessarily with sex; it is the presence of romantic feelings towards a person or the urge to engage in a romantic relationship. Romantic and sexual attraction are often intertwined in our society, when in fact they are easily dissociable. If it is possible to have sex without love, then it should also be possible to have love, romantic love, not platonic or familial, without sex.
Romantic Orientation: Again, romantic orientation is similar to sexual orientation, except romantic orientation describes the set of people with whom a person desires a romantic connection instead of the set of people to whom a person feels sexually attracted [1]. Thus, a person might identify as heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, etc. Many asexual individuals find these terms useful to describe their affectional relationships, identifying as homoromantic asexual, panromantic demisexual, or any other possible combination. Many sexual people also have a romantic orientation. Although romantic orientation and sexual orientation are often directed at the same group of people- as in a person who is romantically and sexually attracted only to members of their same gender- this is not always the case. This is most clearly seen with asexuality, but can occur with other sexualities as well. It is entirely possible for a person to be sexually attracted to one gender but romantically attracted to another [2]. There are also asexual individuals who never experience any sort of romantic feelings or desire to be in a romantic relationship. These asexual individuals often refer to themselves as aromantic. Additionally, some asexual individuals feel that any sort of "romantic" label is not relevant to their experience, and may choose not to use one. Once again, this does not invalidate their identity as asexual.
[1], [2] Bogaert, Anthony F. "Toward a Conceptual Understanding of Asexuality." ResearchGate. ResearchGate, 11 Mar. 2016. Web. 12 Mar. 2016.
Heteroromantic: A person who falls in love or forms romantic attachments only with people of the other binary gender. If a man only desires romantic relationships with women, he might identify as heteroromantic.
Homoromantic: A person who falls in love or forms romantic attachments only with people of the same gender. If a woman only desires romantic relationships with women, she might identify as homoromantic.
Biromantic: A person who falls in love with or forms romantic attachments with people of two genders. If a man desires romantic relationships with women and men, he might identify as biromantic.
Panromantic: A person falls in love or forms romantic attachments with people of all genders, of any gender or regardless of gender, including men, women, bigender people, agender folks, genderqueer people, etc.
Aromantic: A person who never experiences any romantic feelings or desire to be in a romantic relationship. Another kind of romantic orientation. Identifying as aromantic does not preclude non-romantic love and intimacy.
Aesthetic Attraction: It is possible to consider someone aesthetically pleasing without feeling any sexual attraction toward that person. Many asexuals experience something called aesthetic attraction, in which the asexual person can recognize that someone is hot, beautiful, good-looking, or handsome, but still feel no sexual attraction. These feelings are most easily compared to being drawn toward a particular painting in a museum, or enjoying watching a beautiful sunset.
Physical Attraction: Some asexuals feel a strong urge for physical closeness unrelated to sexual or romantic attraction. This is called physical attraction, and is another form of attraction often grouped together with sexual attraction. Asexual people experience physical attraction on the same levels as sexual people: some feel no urge toward physical contact at all, some are repulsed by touch, and others are downright cuddly.